


I'm here now

by letssunshine



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Childhood Friends, Depression, Established Relationship, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Memories, depressed!harry, larry stylinson - Freeform, louis drives a Vespa, mentions of depression, sad!harry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-05
Updated: 2014-01-05
Packaged: 2018-01-07 15:28:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1121502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/letssunshine/pseuds/letssunshine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Louis receives a call from Anne, all he can do is go to him. Harry needed him now more than ever and he wouldn't let him down.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm here now

As I sped through the traffic all I could think about was him. How could I be so blind ... I knew something was up but I'm no doctor so I just assumed that his change of behavior was something caused by the stress at work. What I didn't know was that it would go two steps further. Not only he was burnout but it had resulted to depression as well. He hadn't called in about a week and although I was worried and freaked out I hadn't called back wanting him to have a chance to redefine some things. But when his mom called me a few hours ago I knew something was wrong... Now my Vespa wouldn't go any faster and I hated it more than ever. As soon as I parked I was running up the stairs of his apartment and before I knew it I was waiting outside his bedroom door catching my breath. When I knocked and his voice barely audible answered, my heart sunk...

 

As I opened the door slowly and took a look at the room I realized that he was sitting by the window looking nothing like the Harry I knew. He was a devastated mess sitting on the couch, not moving. Not even looking at my direction "Mum I told you I don't want to go out "he spoke with what I imagined was strength in his voice. Trying not to break down in front of him I held back the sobs and spoke softly "No. I'm not here to take you out, baby...". How had things became such a mess? And where was I? He was always the strongest one from when we were kids. Always there to protect me from getting hurt, physically or emotionally. Now I had to take up that role. But he was still the man I loved and he needed me more than anything right now.

 

"Lou?" he slowly turned around with a tortured expression on his beautiful but tired face. I walked to him not wanting to spend even a minute away. "Yes. I'm here." I told him sitting slowly beside him on the couch. His head fell and for a moment I didn't know what to do. But then he spoke softly" Lou I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for acting like that in the past few months. I'm really –" he started but I didn't let him finish. "Hey hey stop.” I told him. “You don't have to apologize. I get it now. And I'm sorry for not realizing it earlier. But I'm here now and I'm not planning on leaving. That is if you want me." I told him softly. He looked up confusion written all over his beautiful green eyes and said "Of course I want you here. I love you Louis. I know you haven't heard it for quite some time but I never stopped loving you." he said breathlessly. I moved forward and hugged him wanting to feel his body close to mine and reassure him that I would really be there for as long as it took. He put his head on my shoulder and let out a breath, curls tickling my neck. His hands slowly and lightly encircled my waist and that was the moment I realized just how weak his was now. I moved my hands on the back of his neck and made small up and down movements something I knew soothed and relaxed him. Truth was though, I had to do something to keep myself from falling apart. I had to be strong for him. For us. "I love you Harry. Remember that." I said quietly but loud enough to make sure that he had heard me.

 

We stayed like that for a while until there was a light knock on the door. "Can I come in?" Anne asked from the door entrance. "Yeah" I answered not sure if Harry was still awake. After all he should be sleeping. "Is he asleep?" Anne asked stunned. "Yes I suppose so. Why?" I asked as she lightly shook her head and said "He wouldn't sleep two days now. I had to drug him or he would collapse by the window." Her words made me wanna beat myself for not calling and coming here later. He needed me and I wasn't here. "What happened?" I asked not really wanting to hear how my strong and unbreakable Harry "collapsed". "He had a nervous breakdown at work and they brought him to the hospital. They recognized the symptoms and called me. I took a train here three days ago and realized that it was more than a simple burnout. I called a psychologist friend of mine and told me what I feared the most. Next morning I took him to see her. It took some persuasion but we managed to get him to bed rest and some sleeping pills. Hopefully the … depression isn't very bad and can be cured but what is terrifying for him and me as well is the fact that you are the only who picked up when I called. None of his friends did. Not even Niall. Do you know what's happened?" she asked looking really concerned.

 

But how was I supposed to know? The last time we had gone out with his friends was almost two months ago. And back then he wasn't that bad. How had I let this happen? And more importantly what hadn't I noticed that made even Niall and his other friends so angry that wouldn't pick up or even call back? "I don't know…Did you call Gemma?" I wondered. "Yes as soon as I called you but she didn't know much. Only that Niall hadn't talked about him in years. But she couldn't fly out here. She has to be near her hospital. She is almost due in two weeks.". "Yes I know…Look I obviously can't move right now but as soon as I can I will come find you…We shouldn't be talking in here." I pleaded her with my eyes. She may be his mother but I wouldn't let her wake him up. Not now in his condition. "You are right, I have to go get Robin from the train station in a couple of hours either way so I'll just go back to the hotel." She answered quietly.

 

"You don't have to stay at the hotel. You and Robin can stay at my place. I'm staying here for as long as it takes. You can stay at the guest room or even the master bedroom." I suggested knowing that I really wouldn't be leaving. Harry needed me and they would have to leave in a couple of weeks to go to Gemma. "Oh dear, it isn't a problem really. I want to be near in case something happens. But thank you for saying that." she said kindly. "I really mean it. All you have to do is ask for the house keys.". It wasn't that they were short in money but they would feel more comfortable in a house. "Well just give me a call if anything happens even the slightest thing. Okay?" she asked. "Of course. Bye" I said trying to smile a bit, but I was never much of an actor when it came to Harry.

 

Even now, with Harry in my arms I couldn't help but worry. Actually that was an understatement. I was panicked. I had never had a burnout or even worse depression. My mind couldn't even grasp the fact that he was depressed. A few months ago everything seemed perfect. He became head manager of the department he was working at as well as had been accepted to the post graduate program he longed for. It was a lot of daily work but he even managed to get free time for himself every now and then. But burnout was not a matter of months. It was a building form of exhaustion. So that left one thing. Some things from past years had come back to bit him in the ass. That meant the years before he moved here. It could be his college years. As he said parties and studying never really worked out in a good way when put together. But again that assumption only explained the burnout. The scariest part was not that. We had almost everything in the past five years. We had each other, lots of friends, permanent jobs as well as a future built ahead of us. So what had caused the depression? Some time after all that I gave up and let sleep crush down on me and relaxed with Harry still heavily asleep in my arms…

 

As soon as I woke up I knew what I had to do. I knew where to find the answers I was looking for and if not all of them some of them. I noticed Harry was still wrapped around me, his head on my chest laying peacefully. At that moment he didn't look like he did the moment I got in this room a few hours ago. I looked outside of the window and noticed it was dark. How many hours could I have been sleeping? Although I didn't want to, I had to get up. There were some things to be done until I had to call it a night.

 

After ten minutes or so of trying to move and get up without disturbing him I managed to leave the room without awaking him. I locked the doors and made sure that the windows were closed, made myself some tea and headed for his office. I turned the computer on and waited. And it was just my luck that it needed a password. The help key said they were five letters or numbers that had to be entered. I tried his favourite movie but that was a lot longer. I also tried his date of birth in many combinations but nothing. I even tried my date of birth but neither that worked out. And then I had an epiphany. It was a very big-headed one but I tried it nevertheless. I typed the five letters L-O-U-I-S and pressed enter. And voila! The computer unlocked. He had my name as his password? Why hadn't he ever mentioned it before?

 

But I couldn't let myself ponder on things like that. Right now I had a research to do and I had to do it quickly. I felt weird, incomplete not having him beside me knowing that he was okay and he was gonna get through it. As soon as the browser loaded, I googled the two words that had been running through my head before I fell asleep. ^depression causes^. I clicked at the site that I knew would give the most accurate information and started reading. It was not long before I fell into what seemed the most possible explanation. Depression in men can be a lot different than in women. One main cause of this condition can be overworking. People that are under a lot of stress at work tend to show symptoms such as anxiety, aggressiveness. Lighter cases can be treated without resulting to medication just by taking small baby steps. A walk to the grocery store, a conversation with a loved one and why not some change of scenery. Anything that can brighten the atmosphere and bring a smile on the patients face.. So that could be it. Maybe it had been too much after all handling a job and a MBA at the same time.

 

My thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a screaming Harry "Louis!Louis?" I run to him fearing for the worst. “LOU!” My heart was beating at a crazy rate by the time I reached his bedroom. His cries had been loud but exhausted and I almost broke down that moment. I went by his side at the couch to find him looking at me like he didn't really believe I was there. My hands went to his face as I tried to calm him down. As I looked in his eyes I saw that they were watery. My heart sank that moment and my stomach was so tight that I thought it would break. "Baby it's okay. I'm here. Relax. I'm not going anywhere. I love you." I said trying to hold back the tears. I couldn't handle seeing him like this not now not ever.

 

I kissed his forehead lightly and kept holding his face as he calmed down. He was awake now and was fully aware of his surroundings. "How are you?" I asked softly once I had calmed myself as well. He seemed to be thinking for some minutes but I knew he had heard me so I didn't push him to answer. And when he did it was a little more than a whisper. "Tired. Where were you before?" he asked. "I was locking the doors. Its almost three in the morning." I replied only telling half of the truth. He was in no condition of analyzing his … situation and I wasn't either.

 

After getting no reply I decided it was time for some action. "What do you say if we move to the bed? You will hurt your back and we can't sleep here all night." I added hoping that I would make him move after two days according to Anne. "I can't." he replied looking away. "That's not true. You can. And even if you need some help in the beginning you can count on me." I said lifting his face with my hands so that I could see his eyes. He seemed to be debating in his head for a while but he finally agreed. I sat up to turn on the lights and saw the panicked expression on his face. "I'm just going to turn the lights on." I reassured him. He seemed to relax at this but I could feel his eyes on me the whole time.

 

When I returned to my previous position beside the couch I didn't say anything. I knew he knew exactly what I wanted him to do. So when he made a slow movement to sit straight on the couch I just moved and sat beside him. I took his hand in mine and he grasped it firmly. That surprised me in a really good way. Somewhere inside him was still the strength I knew he had. And at that moment I knew he would make it through. "Help me up?" he suggested embarrassed. I didn't answer. Never letting go of his hand I stood up and stood before him.

 

Then after what seemed an eternity he slowly stood up. His hold on my hand tighter than before but I didn't care. He had managed to stand after two whole days and I was so proud of him. He now hovered over me a few inches above, looking exhausted but more like him than ever. As I was lost in his eyes his hand came slowly and caressed my cheek. I smiled at him but he didn't smile back. He then dropped his hand and I suggested we get moving. The bed was not more than a few feet away and slowly we made it there. I noticed he was still in day clothes and told him that he should change but his answer didn't leave much of a space for argument, "No. I just want to hold you for now."

 

So I just took of my shoes and climbed in the bed beside him. I moved a little closer and laid my head on the same pillow as him wanting to feel him close to me. And then he kissed me. Not like our usual kisses but it was enough for me to feel his soft lips on mine after an excruciating week. "Thank you." he said then looking at me. "You don't have to thank me, love. I need you as well. More than you can imagine. And I'm sorry for not coming to you earlier." I replied. "You didn't know." he said sounding worn-out. "True. But let’s sleep now, okay?" I suggested and he moved so that he was laying on his back on his side of the bed like he always did and then I did what I always did. I laid my head on his chest and his arm hugged me lightly, as I let his heartbeat lull me to sleep…

I woke up feeling cold. My whole body was trembling. I unwillingly forced my eyes open. It was still dark outside, but by what I could see through the open window the sun would be making an appearance sometime soon. I turned to my left to see Harry. He was curled up beside me, his body barely inches away from mine. He looked so peaceful in this moment that it was hard to believe that he was not actually okay. Remembering why I woke up, I got up to retrieve a blanket from the closet. I threw it over us guessing that he was probably cold as well. But after two days of not sleeping I doubted that he would wake up by something so minor. As I lay down on the pillow again I lifted Harry’s hand and pressed my back closer to his chest. He unconsciously held me tighter to his chest and let out a breath. I tried falling asleep again but sleep wouldn’t come. My mind was bombarded by the events of the day and my future movements. Things had to be done and quickly. I listed in my head all the things I had to do the following day. On top of the list was to call Harry’s doctor and listen to what she had to tell me. Google can be really helpful at times but not always reliable. And then I would have to call Zayn and have him go to my house and bring me some essentials for my stay here because there was no way that I would be leaving Harry anytime soon. I would also have to move my Vespa to the garage along with Harry’s car.

Somewhere between all these my mind drifted away to our childhood, our most carefree years. I felt so happy that I had these memories to share with him. We used to fight and yell at each other over who ate more candies and ice creams during the summer and one time had actually been captured by our mothers. The photograph was more of the ice cream that I was covered in and Harry butt down on the floor than our faces but it was hilarious. I smiled to myself and felt slowly relaxed as more happy images came to my mind. The two of us dressed in matching outfits most of the time as our mothers thought that we were practically siblings as they were close friends as well, both of us running around the pool of our summer house wanting to put sunscreen on each other’s hair. And as we got older Harry trying to ride a bike for the first time just with two wheels and failing and myself having already managed that shouting at him to get going from a distance as I rode by. But also not so happy but sweet memories of me crying over my broken thumb and Harry running to the school’s nurse freaking out and later at the hospital insisting that he held my other hand in order to take away the pain as the doctor put a cast on it. And at my grandpa’s funeral where he stayed by me the whole time and let me cry on his shoulder although the girl he liked at the time was a few feet away. And somewhere at that time sleep came and I drifted of peaceful, happy and positive for the future. We could make it through it, I had no doupt but it was gonna be a pretty tough months coming ahead of us but I was not going to even dream of living Harry. We were in this together.

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo.... I did a thing.... Please keep in mind that although I researched some things I have no first hand experience with depression and I am no expert. This is fiction so possibly most of the things I wrote are wrong.  
> In other words tell me what you thought of this.  
> my tumblr is lalalalalarry.tumblr.com  
> Hope you enjoyed! xx


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